Ever catch yourself spiraling into unhappiness and wondering, “Why do I feel this way?” Maybe you’re not in immediate danger, but your mind keeps looping on problems, fears, and the endless “I should be doing more” inner monologue.
You’re not broken—you’re in your default mode network.
This part of the brain lights up when we’re idle or disconnected. It’s the birthplace of self-referential thoughts—me, my, I. And while it’s natural, for those of us who’ve lived through complex trauma, it becomes our autopilot. The limbic system—our brain’s threat detection center—is overactive, always scanning for the next danger, always solving for I.
Here’s the real kicker: the more we focus on ourselves, the more we suffer.
But there’s a radical shift that can break the cycle.
Step One: Awareness
First, just notice. Become the observer. Is your inner dialogue stuck on replay? Is every thought filtered through me? Are you trying to fix yourself… again?
That’s not healing. That’s looping.
Step Two: Think Outside Yourself
The fastest way to shift your state?
Think about someone else.
Seriously. Call a friend who’s been quiet lately. Ask the barista how they’re actually doing. Write a kind comment on someone’s post without expecting a like back. Or—my personal favorite—go cuddle a lonely rescue pup at your local shelter. They won’t care if your makeup is perfect or if your nervous system is glitching. They’ll just love you.
And in that simple act of care… something shifts.
Trauma Still Lives in the Body
Now, let’s not bypass the reality here. If you’re carrying stored trauma, no amount of coffee shop small talk will rewire your nervous system alone.
This is where trauma spotting or somatic processing comes in. Those stress responses that have you wired, tired, hypervigilant, or shut down? They need to be witnessed and gently closed—in the body—to regulate the overactive limbic system.
But here’s the beautiful paradox:
As we stop obsessing over our pain and start showing up for others, we enter co-regulation. We feel safe. We feel seen. We feel love.
The Truth Most Don’t Want to Hear
The less you think about yourself…
The less you suffer.
It’s not about disappearing or ignoring your needs. It’s about stepping into connection. Reaching out. Serving. Loving. Being part of a system bigger than your own story.
And in doing that, you rise.
Not by force.
But by design.